How About That Thing?

Saturday morning cartoons were an institution when I was a kid. Several big time TV networks, and maybe a couple of the local ones, all had their programming block on Saturday.

One such programming block was The Action Extreme Team on USA Network: the most 90sriffic cartoon block in the history of cartoon blocks. It included under-rated classics like Savage Dragon: The Animated Series, as well as forgettable shows like Wing Commander Academy. And, of course, it was home to Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm: a cartoon I’m embarrassed to admit I watched as a child and liked. Believe me, drum up enough interest, and I’ll probably cover that one in time.

However, one of the cartoons I remember the most from that block, other than the DIC dub of Sailor moon when the block went from Saturday mornings to weekday mornings later on, was Ultraforce. Or, more accurately, ULTRAFORCE!

Ultraforce is a cartoon based on a comic book of the same name from around the early-to-mid 1990s. I have no idea how closely, if at all, the TV show sticks to the source material, so any and all of my snark is aimed exclusively at the show based entirely on its own merit.

Not going to lie, when this website was in its planning stages, Ultraforce was definitely in the top five topics I wanted to cover. Not because I loved the show to this very day, or hell, even back when I was a kid. To say this show sucks really doesn’t do the suckage any true justice. This show is a spectacle in suck that genuinely needs to be seen to be believed.

Unfortunately, all I have to work with is text and some jpegs, so please bear with us.

It’s safe to say that Ultraforce was trying its best to capitalize on the X-men’s popularity. Primarily in the sense that it too has people who are born with superpowers who possess silly names. Where as X-men called them mutants, Savage Dragon called them freaks, and the DC Universe eventually began calling them metahumans (regardless of whether they were born that way or not), Ultraforce referred to their superpowered beings as ultras. It’s not especially creative, all things considered, but it’s not terrible. It gets the point across, if nothing else. These dudes born with powers are called ultras, and they put together a superhero team called Ultraforce. Simple, easy to grasp, moving on.

So, who makes up this Ultraforce? Superhumans living in a world full of prejudice and hate, trying to unite the world and convince society they’re a threat to nobody and so on. Well, kids, it’s time for rollcall!

This is Hardcase. He’s the only survivor of a former group of ultras who took on, and lost to a monster that we’ll get to a little later on. He seems to possess the power of flight, and the power to fire off some lasers. When he isn’t kicking ass in the name of justice, he’s starring in movies where he kicks ass in the name of justice. It’s a bit of a stretch for him, I know, but he manages to pull it off. Hey, at least he didn’t end up in Ninja Mime.

This is Prime. Basically, he’s kind of like what you’d get if you mixed Superman with Venom. He starts out as a teenage boy, but once the green ooze starts leaking out of his hands, it encases him into a super strong shell, and transforms him into what every teenager thinks Superman should look like. Seriously, Prime is a bit of a proto-Chad. I’m pretty sure if this show was made in 2024 instead of 1995, he’d be calling everybody around him a beta male, or a cuck, or a soy boy, or whatever. To be fair, though, he’s a teenage boy in an adult body in every sense of the word, so it’d at least make sense.

This is Prototype. He has the superhuman power of being a dude in a robot suit. No seriously, that’s Prototype in a nutshell. He’s the only non-ultra member of Ultraforce, and as memory serves, he was kind of the lamest. Hell, for all the shit I talked about Prime, at least Prime has powers. What are you even doing here, bro?

This handsome devil is Ghoul. He possesses the power of being an obnoxious comedy relief. Oh, and I guess he’s, like, undead, or something. There’s a long, complicated story of how he came back from the dead, and how he can commune with dead people, and joined the group, but it’s not all that important. What you need to know is he possesses the power to commune with other dead people, and see when and how living people are going to die. Which, I got to say, is actually pretty heavy for a show full of pew-pews and electric guitar riffs.

This is Pix. She possesses the power of dying in the pilot episode. So… Yeah. Maybe don’t get too attached. I’ll explain later.

Last but not least, we have Contrary. She’s got to have the worst name out of all of them, in my opinion. Seriously, at least with Ghoul, you know he’s a zombie. With Prime, you know he’s a proto-Chad. Contrary’s superhuman power appears to be owning a spaceship capable of transporting the team to where they need to go. I don’t know if her craft has teleportation powers, or if she does. It’s been too long, and I already damaged braincells enough getting screenshots for this article as it is.

The first episode of Ultraforce is a 3-parter. So yeah, you might need more than one lunch break to read this entire article. Just saying.

Ultraforce begins with what has got to be the most 90sriffic theme song ever. Explosions, electric guitar, 90s techno sounds, some dude screaming “ULTRAFOOOOOORCE!” at the top of his lungs at random intervals… It’s got to be the worst theme song in the history of music. And this is coming from someone who listens to Meshuggah for fun.

Part 1 begins right out the gate with Hardcase, and a whole different team of ultras fighting this guy.

This unholy abomination is known as, and I swear to god I’m not making this up, Enemy. Well, okay, technically, it’s stylized as N.M.E., but all the same, it’s Enemy.

Yeah, I know. And it only gets worse from here.

It seriously takes some balls to be that uncreative on purpose. I seriously thought Bully Ray was the worst bad guy name I’d ever heard until I started reflecting on Ultraforce. Now I know better.

So this episode opens immediately with a battle between a group of heroes I’m guessing were the original Ultraforce, and… Sigh… N.M.E. However, we quickly find out that this battle is actually Hardcase’s PTSD-induced nightmare. SPOILER: don’t get too attached to anybody in the flashback. It’s pretty heavily implied that they’re all dead now without outright saying so. Because shows for kids weren’t allowed to point out that death exists, and that the good guys were just as fragile and breakable as the children watching.

Hardcase wakes up, and find out via the local news that N.M.E. is attacking a nuclear missile silo. Thus, we get ANOTHER fight between Hardcase and N.M.E. Criminy, Ultraforce, it hasn’t even been ten minutes yet, and we’ve already had two fights featuring this thing!

Also, I have to question the wisdom of Hardcase. Let’s just set aside the fact Hardcase is… Oh, let’s be generous, and say about six feet tall, and he’s going up against something that appears to be about the size of Godzilla, give or take. Keep in mind that the first time he fought N.M.E., he had an entire team of ultras fighting alongside him, and while the good guys won, N.M.E. still managed to wreck everybody’s shit and take all but one member of the team down with it in the process. All and all, for all the shit I talked about N.M.E. having the dumbest name in the history of villainy, it definitely gave me some serious final boss vibes. And now, you’re seriously telling me that when it shows back up years later, you’re going to take him on all by yourself, and you expect to win? And people said I had issues with not thinking things through when I announced our wife and I were adopting a Pug while she was six months pregnant.

As Hardcase abandons his latest gig to fight Royalty-Free-MechaGodzilla, we see Prime, currently in teenage boy form, watching the news on TV. After dodging his mom, he lets the green ooze consume him, and transform him into Prime. And as Prime flies off to give those stupid cucks a fistful of alpha male punching power, his mom and dad have an argument about how those filthy ultras are bad for property values, and that they shouldn’t be allowed to vote, or get married, or whatever half-baked attempt at an allegory this show is going for. Seriously, this is probably the most clumsily-handled aspect of the entirety of the Ultraforce universe… But I digress.

Also Meanwhile, some dude puts on the Prototype suit, and decides to take it for a spin.

Thus Hardcase now has two guys wanting to help him out. Unfortunately, before the battle can be won, someone makes off with the nuclear weapons. Meanwhile, Hardcase, Prime, and Prototype get caught up in a three-way dick measuring contest that’s ended abruptly when they’re brought onto a mysterious spaceship.

It’s here we’re introduced to Ghoul, Pix, and Contrary. In the amount of time it takes for me to make a grilled cheese sammich, the group instantly forget how much they hate each other and decide to form a new Ultraforce.

Another battle takes place, and it is here where we meet the main villain of this arch.

This guy right here is Atalon: king of the fire people. Named because… Uh… I don’t know. Because it sounded cool?

Basically, Atalon has been stealing nukes while N.M.E. acts as a diversion for military and Ultraforce alike. Honestly, it’s not the worst tactic I’ve ever heard. Lord knows if I was a superhero, and I saw a giant robot monster-ma-bob like N.M.E. wrecking people’s houses and taking a shit on their front lawn, I’d want to stop that motherfucker too.

Atalon then announces that he plans on using all the nukes he stole to basically wipe out humanity. That part is a little humdrum, but hey, if it works, it works. And thus, part one comes to an end.

A large part of part 2 is the newly formed Ultraforce doing what they can to either disarm, or dismantle the first wave of missiles Atalon launches. Pix is able to use the superhuman power of cinematic hacking to get all but three of the missiles to return home, while the rest of the team divides and conquers the remainders. Prototype and Pix are able to disable their respective missiles with some doing… Where as Prime decides to chuck the missile into the sky using the might of a true alpha male.

Hardcase bitches at Prime for being a muscle-headed ignoramus, and Prime bitches at Hardcase for being a worthless beta male and nobody tells Prime what to do… Then Atalon throws N.M.E. at them again.

I make it sound like this is all rapid-fire, but compared to part 1, I’d say the pacing of part 2 works a lot better. They show that despite being a team, they’re still new to this dynamic, and guys like Prime who are used to working alone clash with guys like Hardcase, who’s led a team before and isn’t used to insubordination. Or being called a cuck. It’s one of the rare times this show isn’t so bad.

And then she shows up.

This is Topaz. She’s the queen of the planet Gwendor, which is basically a planet in the bullshit galaxy that took Valery Salanes’s Scum Manifesto, and basically made it their constitution.

What is Topaz doing on Earth? How did she get there? Even Topaz herself doesn’t seem to know. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think they ever explore this at any point in the show, either. All I know is her arrival brings the story to a bit of a screeching halt for a little misandric comedy. Which was probably a lot funnier in 1995 when Twitter wasn’t reminding everyone that straight white men are pure lovecraftian evil… But I digress.

The fight with N.M.E. comes to an end, and Prime ends up losing his shell momentarily, revealing to Hardcase that he’s just a ten-year-old boy pretending to be an adult. Kind of like Shazam, if Shazam made it his life goal to make sure everybody knows he’s an alpha male. No, in fact, that joke isn’t getting old.

Part 2 ends with the revelation that Topaz somehow found her way onto Contrary’s ship, and after an awkward battle that serves no purpose beyond padding I guess, Topaz is informed that those big bad donut punchers are on our side.

Oh, and Atalon kidnaps Ghoul at some point, and plans on using him to speak to the fallen spirits of the fire people in order to earn their blessing and proceed with the next wave of nuclear missiles.

Part 3 begins with Ghoul summoning the ancient kings of the fire people, who basically tell Atalon to go fuck himself, and accuse him of being one of those losers who uses the oppression of the fire people and twists the narrative in order to fulfill his own selfish ambitions. Turns out Atalon’s really the only fire person who actually wants to blow up the surface world, where as everyone else has pretty much moved on with their lives.

Atalon then proceeds to lie to everybody about what the ancient kings said, and makes it sound like they condone his war. Which begs the question of why he needed Ghoul to raise them up in the first place… Unless he failed to establish to his people he could talk with the ancient kings earlier, which seems like a bit of a gross oversight… Unless he was expecting the ancient kings to approve of… Oh for crying out loud, we’re missing out on the pew-pews!

The rest of Ultraforce puts up with the US army suddenly remembering we’re supposed to hate ultras and ruthlessly persecute them for stuff, and insists that if they try and save the world, they’ll be labeled war criminals. And as you probably predicted, their effort to stop Atalon goes askew, and they end up needing Ultraforce after all. Our tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.

Throughout the chaos of the battle scene, Pix finds her way into the control room, and begins disabling missiles by the group. Unfortunately, her “radiation belt” is damaged beyond repair. I’m not entirely sure what a radiation belt is, but I’m guessing it was supposed to make some sort of antiradiation forcefield? Either way, she goes against Ghoul’s wishes, and begins disabling nuclear missiles one group at a time. All the while, a radiation leak takes its toll on her. Ghoul can only look on in sorrow as his friend poisons herself to death, sacrificing herself for the greater good of the planet.

And it’s right about here I find myself baffled. Part 1 was an absolute mess, part 2 was better, but part 3 ends up being the point when this loud and dumb action show full of pew-pews and kurplosions decides to have some pathos? Really?

And trust me, they go out of their way to make sure you know she isn’t going to make it out of here in one piece. Like, they don’t show anything too graphic or anything, but at the end of the ordeal, it’s clear as crystal she’s dead.

Atalon is beaten when Ghoul summons the dead kings once again, and the dead kings remind Atalon that they told him to go fuck himself. There’s this grand speech about how you’ll only find atrocity if all you ever do is search for it, and how it’s better to not dwell on the past and instead focus on a peaceful future… And I guess it’s an okay enough lesson, but I’m a bit focused on the tonal whiplash we just encountered with Pix dying of radiation poisoning back there.

Part 3, and the entirety of this 3-parted ordeal ends with Ultraforce at Pix’s funeral I guess, commenting on how she managed to save the world despite being, like, fourteen or fifteen or whatever.

The episode is over, and thank god. This might be the longest thing I’ve ever written about on here, and I hope to god I did my own opinion justice.

So yeah, this is the 3-parted episode that introduced the world to Ultraforce. And it’s just as glorious a train wreck now as it was back then. Sometimes, 90sriffic isn’t a complement, and this is one of those times. The show is loud, it’s obnoxious, it’s adequately animated at best, and I hated it quite a bit back then.

Again, if enough people express enough interest in the comment box, I might do more recaps. As memory serves, there’s only one other multi-part episode, and the rest ought to be smoother sailing. For now, though, I think I’ll take a break from it, and focus on something new.