How About That Thing?

I’m just going to come out and say it: Toto sucks, and “Africa” is overrated. Not sorry, fucking fight me.

So yeah, a lot of this article is basically going to be a whole bunch of this. Really less of a semi-coherent article, and more of a barely-coherent rant with no screenshots or random pics. In fact, I’m not even sure the pics and screenshots really do anything as far as engagement goes, but I digress. You’ve been warned. Getting back to it…

“Africa” by Toto is the single most overrated song in the history of music. More overrated than “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Kansas. More overrated than “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. More overrated than pretty much the entirety of Pink Floyd’s catalog. Maybe even more overrated than “Master of Puppets” by Metallica.

SIDE NOTE: thanks a lot, Stranger Things. It took me almost a year and a half to get over the cringiness all the zeds inflicted on the Metallica fandom because of you and your “Hey! REMEMBER THE 1980S?” shit.

But here’s the thing: being overrated doesn’t mean the same thing as sucking. I cringed when “Master of Puppets” was enjoying its second renaissance with Gen-Z, but even when I was cringing, I could admit that it was a good song. And really, I can’t even be too mad about it, because “Master of Puppets” and Stranger Things was to Gen-Z what “Don’t Stop Believing” and Glee ended up being for millennials. They both became highly overrated, but I wouldn’t say they suck.

“Africa”, on the other hand… Yeah, that song is terrible.

I don’t know why, but there’s just something about “Africa” that is impossible to take seriously. Like, I can’t even like the song ironically, and my whole generation perfected the art of liking stuff ironically. I don’t know if it’s the instrumental sounding more like old PC game music rather than something that actually came from Africa, or verses like “longing for some solitary company”… I mean what the hell even IS solitary company? Other than a complete oxymoron that’s up there with the likes of jumbo shrimp, or articulate rapper.

Toto as a whole is pretty bad, and “Africa” is a song that deserves to be buried and forgotten. Or at least, that was the general consensus for the longest time.

Then the 2010s happened. Dear lord, the 2010s.

Before I planned on making a blog that gives me a chance to talk about the thing I’m hyperfocused on this week, I was originally thinking about writing either a blog, or a book about how the 2010s as a whole was an absolute mistake, and how we as a society need a do over. Everything from Imagine Dragons, to Gamergate, to fidget spinners, to the Trump presidency, it’s all fucking terrible.

And one of the things that happened in the 2010s was the sudden surge in nostalgic properties. Everything from RoboCop, to Point Break, to The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, and hundreds of other properties from the 1980s and 1990s (more so the 80s at first) were getting reboots, and everybody was talking more and more about classic entertainment. And among all that nostalgia flooding the market was “Africa” by Toto.

Technically, the change in heart had no impact on Toto as a whole. If you’re one of those douches who overheard someone say they liked Toto, and told them to name three songs like the gatekeeping loser you most likely are, you’d probably revel in the fact they could only name “Africa”.

Meanwhile, throughout the 2010s, it seemed like it was becoming law at one point that if you were a musician of any sort, you had to cover “Africa”. Every third band I knew of at the time seemed to have a cover of that song. From comedy acts like Ninja Sex Party, to metal bands like Affiance. Hell, even Wheezer got in on the fad. In fact, I’m about twenty-five percent positive they’re the assholes who got that ball rolling in the first place!

Look, I’ve tried. Here and now, in my late thirties, I’m trying with all my might to “do better”, as you assholes on Twitter like to say. I’d like to think I’ve made progress in that regard, having come a long way from being that asshole who insists it’s either metal, or it sucks. I have more of a sense of humor about music, I have a more open mind about certain genres… Hell, I even LIKE a couple of pop artists I used to dunk on. That, or I’ve at least lightened up on them.

But even here and now, I just don’t get it. While Affiance put out a halfway listenable version of the song, it still doesn’t really change the fact “Africa” is a bad song.

I’ve tried to figure out why this song went from laughable relic of the past to so iconic that having a cover of it somewhere in your discography became mandatory… And the only thing I can think of is Gen-Z probably did it when they took over the zeitgiest. Sort of like how Millennials redeemed that “Never Gonna Give You Up” song back when it was our turn. Even if the context of our making it popular again had a meaner intent, it didn’t change the fact the song went from obscure and forgettable to sensational.

Gen-Z have been many things in their time. They’ve been the generation that replaced “lol random” with “lol I haz depression and anxiety”, they developed a form of slang that sounds like fucking baby talk (IE, chicky nuggies, chocy milk, etc), and, most importantly of all, they’ve been the generation that redeemed the irredeemable.

Before Gen-Z came along and made everything fire, no cap, fam, Nickelback was the most hated band on Earth. Now, it’s apparently okay to like them. Creed was a punching bag as well, and thanks to the zeds, there’s a reunion tour. Hell, give them time, and they’ll probably find something redeemable about “Chinese Democracy” by Guns N Roses.

It’s just a theory, but I’m convinced it’s this generation that found this song somewhere, and instead of letting it stay buried like it deserves to be, they made it an institution in modern music. No accounting for taste, I guess.

If you’ve stuck with me this long, and haven’t logged off or decided to write an angry comment after reading paragraph 1 of this rambling mess, good for you. I clearly underestimated your tolerance for my worst.

I promise, next week will be more fun than this.