How About That Thing?

As a kid, I loved racing games. The thrill of the win, the sharp turns, the sound of the motor as your car speeds down the track… It’s astounding to adult me that kid me was never in to NASCAR at any point. But all the same, racing games were one of my jams at the time.

Of course, back then, racing games were a lot easier, and a lot simpler. Somewhere around the PS2 era of gaming, the open world racer became a thing. Now, you didn’t have tracks. You had routes you had to follow, and while a couple of these styles of game were better at keeping you on track than others, it was a concept I never really liked. The appeal of open-world gaming was that, while you did have mission objectives, you could approach them at your own leisure, and explore the world. And in the case of open world RACERS, you weren’t confined to a track, so you could take alternate routes that’d get you there faster if you liked.

I must admit, open-world gaming didn’t really do it for me. Mostly because I never bothered with the mission objectives, and spent most of my time fucking around and seeing how much destruction I could get away with..

Furthermore, the idea of having to mod and spend money on your car in a lot of modern racing games has always been a sort of mixed bag for me. I love customization, and I enjoy the concept of playing with new parts to a degree, but the amount of attention to detail a lot of modern racers put in really makes me think that more modern racers were designed with the hardcore gearheads in mind. I don’t know which engine is better, I don’t know what half of the parts listed even do… Man, all I want to do is drive a car around a track! And if I can paint it, I want to paint it teal. Because teal is awesome.

Suffice to say, the racing genre is a genre that hasn’t really appealed to me the last decade or two. But a lot of old school video games really knew how to scratch my itch. And of all the racing games I rented over the years, today’s topic… Was definitely one of them.

Rock N Roll Racing was available for multiple consoles at the time, but like most games in that era, I’m the most familiar with Sega Genesis version. I’ve been assured, however, that the only REAL differences between the Genesis and SNES versions are the soundtrack has different songs on the SNES, and the commentator, Loudmouth Larry, isn’t as staticky in the SNES version.

If ever there was a racer that embraced the 90s, for better and for worse, it was definitely Rock N Roll Racing. Every character, from the selectable drivers, to your opponents on the track, have some of the most generic toughguy names imaginable. IE, Cat, Viper, Rage, Butcher, Hawk… The list goes on.

Unlike most racing games, though, you’re not really spoiled for choice when it comes to cars. In fact, throughout the entire game, this is your selection.

Yeah, not quite what I’d call wonderful variety… But you get to choose to paint the car. I can’t remember off hand if that changes the price any, but hey, I can get a green one! SCORE!

The beauty of the game is that once you’ve bought your car, and once you’ve won a few races, you can customize it. Maybe you’re a speed demon, and want to increase its nitro capacity. Maybe you’re trigger happy and want to increase your car’s missile capacity. So forth, so on.

So, with your driver selected, and the car purchased, it’s off to the races. And…

Yeah. Isometric view. Wasn’t expecting that onewhen I was a kid.

While not a COMPLETELY obsolete style at the time, a lot of newer racing games were trending away from the whole isometric view like this. The current trend was a behind-the-racer view that created the illusion of 3D, but was still somewhat two-dimensional.

The controls definitely took some getting used to, and even when I was good, I wasn’t the best racer ever. By the time I got to Roadkill’s tracks, I was pretty much getting spanked in every single race I took part in. Like, maybe on a good day, I’d find my way to third place once and a while, but that was about it.

The rules are simple: complete four laps, blow up your opponents before they can blow you up, and hope to god you make the jumps if there are any in that particular track. All the while, Loudmouth Larry commentates, and some pretty halfway decent 16-byt versions of classic rock songs like “Born to be Wild”, “Bad to the Bone”, and “Paranoid” play in the background.

Nine times out of ten, the commentary team in ANY game, be it a real sport or a made up one, is pretty horrendous. I’m glad to report that, for what it’s worth, Larry isn’t the worst ever. Hell, I tolerated him more than most commentators on modern day games! Probably because most of his lines are generically worded reminders that “[PLAYER] jams into first!”, or “[PLAYER] fades into last!”. The snarkiest thing I’ve ever heard him say was “[PLAYER] should avoid mines.”

At the end of each race, you’re awarded points, and money. The money stays with you no matter what, but the points only stay with you for the season. See, each world you race on has a season, and in order to go to the next world, you either need money, or you need points. This means if you have less than the needed amount of points, you have to resort to using money to leave the planet and head to the next one. If you don’t have enough of EITHER, though, you’re stranded, and have to start the season over.

Each planet has two circuits you have to complete before you’re allowed to leave: the minor circuit, and the major circuit. What the difference between the two is, I have no idea. I don’t THINK the racers become harder to beat when you jump from one circuit to the other, but they DEFINITELY get harder when you move to the next planet. As I said before, I could only ever make it to Roadkill’s planet, and that was on a particularly good run.

Each race consists of four racers: your character, the champion of that particular planet, and these two.

The green one is Rip, and the red one is Shred. If they sound generic… That’s probably because they are. Yet, for some reason, they’re always waiting for you on the next planet.

Personally, if this ever got adapted into a cartoon, I could easily see these two as a sort of Bulk and Skull caliber duo of nitwits. IE, they’re bunglers who do everything wrong, their attempts to sabotage the protagonists are unsuccessful and usually come back and bite them on the ass… Hell, give them a rock equivalent of that classic Bulk and Skull music. If you have to, make them drive the same car as opposed to being separate racers. I would genuinely love to see this!

But that could just be me.

The only REAL downfall of Rock N Roll Racing is that even when you’re GOOD, it takes for fucking ever to get off planet. Especially in later races, where the dollar and point requirements are really high, and unless you’re getting first place in every single race, you’re probably going to be here a while.

It’s not the worst racer I’ve ever played, and I still have some fond memories of renting it from the local game rental place for a weekend and having a good time with it. However, in terms of classic racing games, you could probably do better. Especially if you’re not fond of the whole isometric angles thing. Still, if you’re curious, I recommend giving it a shot.