How About That Thing?

Yip, another Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers article. And this week, we’re talking about one of the most legendary of all the monsters. None other than the infamous Cyclopsis.

That’s Cyclops, dumbass. We already talked about him a year ago, remember? Probably not.

A. because I don’t remember that article doing especially well.

B. because Cyclopse was second banana to the green candle.

This guy right here is Cyclopsis.

When I was a wee little boy, experiencing MMPR in real time, Cyclopsis felt like a really big deal. Usually because if it took more than one part to defeat a monster, you knew that shit was real. Hell, even the Island of Illusions two-parter brought us Lokar, and the second half of that two-parter was a glorified clip show!

Add on the fact that Cyclopsis was the final boss in the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers video game for Sega Genesis, and I distinctly got the feeling we were on the verge of something big. I can’t guarantee he was the final boss for the Super Nintendo version, having never played it and never looked up a longplay of it on YouTube, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he was.

Hell, according to a website I once read, “Doomsday”, the two-part episode Cyclopsis occupied, was originally intended to be the season, or even the SERIES finale of Power Rangers, depending on how the ratings went. If I remember right, there was even a scrapped plan to have Goldar orchestrate a coup d’etat, and take the reigns as primary villain for this two-parter. But they didn’t go through with those plans, and waited till season 2 for any coup d’etat attempts. Although I’m not sure you could call the premire of season 2 a coup… But I’m getting ahead of myself.

So what did we get? Well, let’s have a look at “Doomsday”, and find out.

The episode begins with our favorite goody-goods expositing that the mayor of Angel Grove declared today Power Rangers Day, and is throwing a party in the park in their honor. And can I just say, it always kind of amazed me how all the normies in Angel Grove knew who The Power Rangers were, and who Rita Repulsa was. I mean yeah, it’s kind of hard to miss the weekly giant monsters coming to town and ruining everybody’s weekend, an the multicolored spandex-clad dudes in motorcycle helmets fighting them off, but at what point did THEY figure out that said spandex-clad heroes were called the power rangers? And how did they figure out those monsters worked for Rita Repulsa? How do they even know who Rita Repulsa is in the first place, for that matter? I’m just saying, unless one of them has been pulling double duty and leaking that shit to the press… Which I’m pretty sure goes against Zordon’s three commandments. Right there between “keep your identities secret” and “No straight white people allowed”. But I digress.

So yeah, Power Rangers Day. I can think of lamer excuses to get drunk in public and humiliate myself. Hell, Bulk and Skull didn’t even wait till the punch was spiked, as you can see.

Yip, for whatever reason, these two morons decided they were going to try and upstage the power rangers and become superheroes. I bring you: Bulkster and Super Skull.

Sad thing is as the show progresses, this won’t even be the first time they try something like this. I mean technically, they don’ use these personas specifically… But we’ll get there when and if we get there.

Meanwhile, on the space ranch, Rita is unleashing the plan that will awaken Cyclopsis. An you know it’s going to be a big deal because instead of depending on Finster to make a monster, she’s using her altar.

NOTE: the skull on the altar’s eyes usually blink red when casting a spell. When I tried getting a screencap, however, the timing was a bit too precise to get glowing eyes. Still, you get the point.

You know shit’s about to get real when Rita goes to the altar. Whether it’s a simple curse that amplifies a ranger’s phobia, or summons forth a sixth power coin to make an evil green ranger, that altar is no joke. True, it LOOKS like something you could probably find at a Spirit Halloween for a couple hundred bucks, but hey, looks are deceiving.

She uses the power of the altar, as well as a “vortex beam” to trap everyone except the power rangers themselves in an alternate dimension, awaken Cyclopsis, and relocate her palace to Earth.

You know, I forgot how goofy looking Rita’s palace looked in the daylight. It looks goofy on the moon as well, but you’d be amazed what a little blue light and a whole lot of shadow can do.

Also, the thought occurred to me: if you could beam everyone else into an alternate dimension, why didn’t you beam the rangers as well? Technically, she’s tried that before, as early as episode two or three in fact, but still, if you could send everybody else to an alternate dimension, why not try to send the rangers one more time as well? Aside from the obvious fact there wouldn’t be a monster fight to occupy most of the episode, of course. And even then, you could have the rangers teleport out of the dimension somehow. Make Alpha5 work for his paycheck for a change.

But we get the zord fight between the rangers and Cyclopsis. And, unsurprisingly, it’s probably one of the best fights this show has ever given us. The rangers go all out, summoning Dragonzord, switching between Megazord and dragonzord’s battle mode (which I can’t believe I forgot was a thing till now)… Hell, they even had to break out the ultrazord just to stand a chance!

Cyclopsis is eventually destroyed, and Rita Repulsa throws her usual temper tantrum about…

Oh, wait, no. This time, she actually bites back. After zapping the crap out of the ultrazord, she summons the infamous Lokar.

You know shit gets real when Lokar’s name exits Rita’s mouth. He usually has to share the stage with a monster of the day, but all the same, it’s an uphill battle whenever he shows up. Especially when you take into account the last time he was summoned, the zords were beaten pretty effortlessly.

And the same thing happens here, with Lokar slapping the shit out of the zords, and helping Rita restore Cyclopsis back to near-perfect condition.

Part one ends with the rangers being forced to sit back and watch as Lokar and Cyclopsis thoroughly buttfuck Angel Grove. Hey, it could be worse. At least they took the time to transport all the people to another dimension first.

All joking aside, though, I got to say, part 1 is actually really good by Power Rangers standards. Everything feels big, and like there’s actually something on the line this time, and I love it.

Then we get to part 2. And… Well…

Jason finally can’t take the idea of sitting back and watching anymore. Zordon reminds him that the zords haven’t been completely charged and/or repaired from the last battle yet, to which Jason declares that they’ll take them on at half power. This idea is so dumb that even Zordon has to ask: “Are you for real right now?” And I can’t say I disagree. I mean yeah, I get that the rangers are desperate, but think this over. You could barely stand a chance against Cyclopsis when you were at FULL power. Not to mention that Lokar is tag teaming with him now, so… You know. That.

But hey, I get it. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Unfortunately, the battle goes just as disastrous as Zordon said it would. Fortunately, the zords teleport back to whatever parking garage Zordon is keeping them in before they can get TOO beat up. On the other hand, the power rangers temporarily lose their powers, and the ability to teleport. And I guess Billy sold that flying car from earlier on in the show to pay for machine parts or whatever, because instead of just taking THAT back to the command center, there’s this whole thing about readjusting the frequency of their morphers or whatever.

Oh, but the dumbest part has yet to emerge.

With the zords decommissioned, the city thoroughly crushed, and Goldar left with nothing better to do, he takes a squad of putty patrollers to Billy’s house, where he proceeds to… Stand there and laugh. I guess you could say he was taking them prisoner in their own base of operations, but for a guy who says he wants to DESTROY the power rangers, he sure doesn’t take the time to try. Or hell, he doesn’t even make the putties do it for him! He literally just stands there the whole time and gloats.

Meanwhile, Alpha5 makes a breakthrough. And I swear to god I’m not making any of this up. It turns out that the downside to Rita’s palace being on Earth is that now, Alpha5 can hack her database, and find Cyclopsis’s weakness. I am SOOOO not kidding about this, either. The thing that ends up defeating Cyclopsis, the most powerful weapon in Rita’s possession, is the fact Rita herself didn’t password protect her Wi-Fi.

“Actually, Wi-Fi wouldn’t be a…”

Shut up and laugh at my joke, asshole!

But seriously, this has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve heard from this show yet. and I’m well aware that Power Rangers is a kids show, and it requires a tremendous amount of suspension of disbelief, and all that. But this? If ever there was a moment where you could literally hear the scripting department throw up their hands and declare “Yeah, we kind of wrote ourselves into a corner on this one.” Which I noticed they seem to do a lot in multipart episodes like this one.

Ugh, whatever.

As soon as Alpha5 discovers this, the rangers successfully fix the frequency issue with their morphers and teleport to the safety of the command center.

“NO!” Goldar cries. “If only I’d done something besides stand around and laugh! Oh well.”

Somehow, at this exact same moment, the zords are ready to go, and the rangers go into battle with Lokar and Cyclopsis once again. This time, they exploit Cyclopsis’s weakness, which is switching between their various modes as quick as possible so Cyclopsis can’t adapt in time, and eventually short circuit. Which… Meh, I guess it’s okay. I honestly couldn’t think of a better one off hand.

Oh, and I guess Lokar just sort of stands there and does nothing the whole time. Like, I thought for sure he’d spot what the rangers were trying to do, and maybe try to run interference, but once he helped beat up the half-powered versions of the zords, he seems to have gone on lunch break, near as I can tell.

The episode ends with everyone returning home to find a generous portion of their city has been absolutely totaled, but hey, at least the power rangers saved the day. It’s something, I guess.

Also, Rita relocates her castle back to the moon. I guess because now that they know Cyclopsis’s weakness, there’s no point in bringing it back? What exactly is stopping her from just blasting the ultrazord with another shot from her wand like last time? And where the hell did Lokar go? So many questions… But I’m probably thinking too hard about this, aren’t I?

Anyway, that’s “Doomsday” in a nutshell. Part 1 was pretty awesome from start to finish, but part 2 was kind of where the wheels started to come off. If you learn nothing else from the failure of Cyclopsis, though, it’s that you need to password protect your Wi-Fi. And make sure it’s a good password. IE, one capital letter, one number, one punctuation mark, and make sure no one can guess it using your network’s name as a context clue. IE, don’t name your network Metropolis, then make your password some variation of Superman. That way, some piss ant robot voiced by Invader ZIM doesn’t hack your lap top and find all those glaring flaws in your giant mech. Or your porn stash. Or whatever you happen to be hording in there.