How About That Thing?

A wise man once said: “There are three kinds of people in the world: people who love Family Guy, people who hate Family Guy, and people who liked it up until about 2008 or so.” Low and behold, like so many other things in life, I belong to group number three.

I admit, I used to love Family Guy. Sure, it was poorly drawn, the plot was mostly just an excuse to stitch together cutaway gags that felt like they were put together by a random word generator, and Seth MacFarlane was only really capable of about three or four voices on a good day… But I didn’t care. As a high school kid, Family Guy was genuinely entertaining to me.

Then, Family Guy got canceled. It sucked, but I was willing to move on. Unlike the rest of the fanbase.

After psychopaths petitioned the network, sent boxes of diapers to HQ and said they were for Stewy, and other stunts I can’t remember word for word anymore, FOX caved, and brought Family Guy back in 2005.

I figured they were just going to do a season or two, then FOX would remember WHY they canceled this show. Or Seth MacFarlane would get tired of it, and attempt to make more American Dad, Or more of that Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy, or whatever.

It is the smack-dab middle of May 2025 at the time I’m writing this, and Family Guy is still on the air. And boy, if you thought The Simpsons was a shambling corpse of its former self, then you should check out the modern state of Family Guy. Seriously, at least The Simpsons have an excuse. After all, the Simpsons has been running nonstop since 1980-whatever, and its only crime was falling victim to seasonal rot so prolonged and vicious that it’s actually lived long enough to see itself age poorly. What the hell is Family Guy’s excuse? They had a two or three year vacation and everything, and somewhere around 2008, the quality of the show took an absolute nose dive into the pavement! It’s led me personally to believe that even MacFarlane himself doesn’t even want to write this show anymore.

But at this point, I’m probably not saying anything all that original. Everybody has pretty much expressed how much they hate modern Family Guy in one way or another.

There are plenty of people on YouTube ALONE who have talked about Family Guy in one way shape or form. From LS Mark, to The Mysterious Mr. Enter, and just about everybody else in between has reviewed episodes, done character analysis, and even just commented on the current state of the show, and they’ve probably done it better than my dumb ass ever will. Believe me, I’m not out to make fun of anybody, or steal anybody’s thunder, or anything like that. However, while much has been said about episodes like “Screams in Silence”, or “Sea Shell Sea Party”, and what not, there’s one episode I take personal umbrage with, and I’ve noticed none of them have covered it yet.

Between having rewatched the episode recently, and being reminded of why I hate it; to finding out that July is Disability Awareness Month, or whatever it’s called; I decided now was as good a time as any to talk about one specific episode of Family Guy that not only do I loathe with a passion, but an episode I don’t see a lot of the Johnny Two Chellos or the Kittymonks talking about. The episode in question, of course, being “The Blind Side.”

NOTE1: Because Hulu won’t let me grab screenshots, I’m going to have to do a purely text article once again. My apollogies in advance if you miss all the perdy pictures.

NOTE2: I was originally going to dedicate the entire month to episodes of shows where blindness was a theme. However, after May The Power Protect You Month ended up being a bit of a dud, maybe I should lay off month-long events. If not altogether, then at least till 2026.

The B-plot of the episode is the better plot, where in Lois gets new stairs installed, only for Peter to constantly fall down them. I mean yeah, it’s not exactly the funniest story ever, but I find it significantly less irritating than the A-plot by a country mile.

In the A-plot, Peter meets Stella: a deaf woman who replaces Opi. After learning about deafness, and after Quagmire suddenly develops a boner for her, a “disabled ladies night” is held at The Drunken Clam. Basically, a mixer where ableds hook up with impaired people. And I’m seriously the only one who finds this concept degrading?

Look, I own up to having referred to myself as “the Uncle Ruckus of blind people” at one point. And if you had a mom who sent you to the state school for the blind for seven years, sent you to a summer camp for blind kids, and insisted you hang out with still other blind kids every weekend instead of playing video games or hanging out with your REAL friends, you’d grow to loathe your fellow blind man, and joke about having a fetish for women with 20-20 vision too, I’ll bet. That being said… Yeah, I don’t know why, but there’s something about this concept that never sat well with me. Maybe because the episode plays it as one big joke. Now I’ve never been one to suggest any impaired person be put on a pedestal or anything like that, but all the impaired people at the mixer just feel like their existence is one giant punch line to a painfully unfunny joke. I get enough of that from life as it is.

And yes, I’m well aware that Family Guy is one of those shows that likes to THINK it’s shocking, and provocative, and what not. If you’re offended, you gave the show runners exactly what they wanted. Touche. Everybody is offended by something, and the way this mixer is portrayed offended me to a slight degree.

Then Brian finds out that Kate, the girl he’s been talking to at the bar this whole time, is actually blind.

“Heheheheh, you ended up with the blind one,” laughs Peter.

Yes, let’s laugh at the blind woman for being genetically inferior to us able-bodied individuals who set up this little freakshow. Hardy-har-har. Asshole.

So Brian goes on a date with Kate. Let’s just set aside the whole beastiality argument, because we’ve probably been doing that since Brian was dating Jillian all those years ago, and it never gets any better.

Anyway, Brian goes on a date with Kate, and it actually goes pretty well. Right up until the neighbor’s dog starts barking, and Kate reveals she hates dogs. And apparently, she can’t tell in the slightest that Brian is a dog. And it’s here where the episode just falls apart for me.

Yes, Brian can talk, he can walk on two legs… When applicable, his front paws become hands. But really? She really can’t tell he’s a dog? To the show’s credit, Brian never got that kiss, but even then, she must have noticed he had a snout at some point. Surely she noticed how furry he was to the touch. Surely, she can smell the kibble on his breath. Or hell, just notice the smell of dog when she gets up close. As a blind guy with two dogs of my own, believe me, even when they’re clean, dogs have a bit of an odor to them. Not to mention the horrors of dog breath.

And if you think that’s not so bad, it gets worse. And I’m not just talking about gay frat boy Stewy talking about how her eyes are all milky and what not, either.

Okay, the one comment Stewy makes this whole time that actually did get somewhat of a chuckle out of me was the notion that Kate actually knows exactly what Brian is doing, but she’s putting up with it anyway in order to get a cheap guide dog. Trust me, there’s a reason I stick with the ol’ thirty-dollar white cane, folks. Guide dogs are expensive as fuck. Also, you have to feed them, you have to clean up after them, you have to put up with stupid people wanting to pet the dog… It’s honestly more trouble than it’s worth. But hey, if you can seduce a Brian Griffin esque dog into your services for free, that’s a pretty sweet get right there.

Then there’s Brian and Kate’s trip to Parris. Where in Brian just takes her to a random rooftop in the neighborhood, plays a tape of French accordian music, uses a fan to blow the smell of what I can only assume is Panera Bread into her face and tell her it’s fresh baguette… And the worst part is she FALLS FOR IT! My god, is this woman stupid as well as blind? I mean hell, it’s not impossible. Believe me, not every blind person ever is a shining beacon of inspiration and hope. There are dumbasses in OUR community, just like there are in the sighted community. I’ve even met a few of them. Suffice to say, they don’t do us any favors.

But even if Kate ISN’T stupid, then surely, she would’ve noticed that it didn’t take very long to get to France. Like, surely, they’d have noticed that they never once boarded a plane. Surely they would’ve heard Brian fumbling around with the tape player or the fan. Surely, they would’ve heard the fan blades spinning round as the smell of Panera bread, which is probably ALSO something they should have some degree of familiarity with, wofts into their face.

“Maybe you should shut up and just laugh at the funny joke.”

Maybe YOU need to raise your standard of comedy, you fucking loser!

“Dude. Geez. You didn’t have to go THERE.”

Right, sorry. This episode just bugs the crap out of me. An it’s not even over.

Eventually, through a series of events that are more cringy than funny, the jig is up. Brian outs himself as a dog, and Kate gets mad. Not because Brian is a dog, but because he lied about it. Again, you REALLY couldn’t figure that out yourself? She storms off in a huff… But not before the writing staff make all the extremely obvious, and painfully unfunny jokes about blind people running into walls, mistaking the fire exit as the door, and causing traffic accidents. Hardy har har. ASSHOLES!

Of course, I wag my finger and tisk tisk the writing staff, knowing full well that even here in 2025, I’ve probably run into walls, or headbutted the baby gate trying to pick something up off the floor, or something equally embarrassing more times than I’m willing to admit out loud. Especially since I’m up here on my soapbox with megaphone in hand and all.

And finally, the dingleberry on top.

“Well, if you miss her so much, just hook back up with her and use a different voice.”

Advice given to us by good old gay frat boy Stewy, and taken by Brian as a closing gag. The scene irises out, the credits roll, and I’ve never been tempted to punch a wall more in my life..

Good god almighty, what a terrible episode! It’s not even the fact they’re making fun of the blind. Hell, this isn’t even the first time they’ve done an episode with a blind character, and that episode was handled a lot better by comparison. I mean there’s still a couple things that make me facepalm and say “Really?”, but they were significantly fewer and farther between than they were in this one. Plus, that one was much earlier in the revival, so the writing staff still remembered how to write actual comedy, for the most part.

It feels good to exorcise these demons. Maybe I ought to do it again sometime with some other shows. Or maybe I should just wait and see what my brain locks on to next. I guess we’ll find out next week.