How About That Thing?

The term “Fetish fuel” got thrown around a lot at some point. There was always that joke that says someone accidentally gives the camera two seconds of armpit, and everybody in the audience giggles and says “Hurr hurr, someone has a fetish!”. Before I had time to process just how true that comment was, I found myself thinking: “Wait, armpits? That’s a thing?” But I digress.

While a lot of examples are pretty far fetched, and even outright ridiculous, though, I can think of some examples people have given, and I think: “Yeah, I see it.”

• There was an episode of Teen Titans Go where Beast Boy discovered Raven has legs, and becomes obsessed.
• I remember finding a song from Sesame Street where The Count sings about how much fun it is to count Susan’s toes.
• Pretty much ANY given episode of Totally Spies apparently woke up some Gen-Z kid to something, I’m led to understand.
• Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, via The Terror Toad, introduced an entire generation of millennials to voreraphilia. No! I’m not letting it go!

Really, the list goes on. And it’ll probably continue to go on as long as time and entertainment continue to persist.

And then, of course, there’s today’s example. I don’t know how many people remember this particular episode of Rocko’s Modern Life, but I figured if we’re talking about a nostalgic example of fetish fuel, the episode “Seat to Power” is the very first example I can think of off hand from my life.

NOTE: Unfortunately, I can’t get screencaps off of Paramount Plus, so we’re going to have to go the text only route. Hopefully, this suffices.

It all starts with the arrival of Really Really Big Man: Rocko’s Modern Life’s resident superhero. Frankly, it was a little confusing at first, since Really Really Big Man is a comic book hero, but is ALSO an actual person at the exact same time. Did he start out as a real person who eventually got his own comic book? Or did he start out as a comic book first, and some obnoxious prick in blueface granted some kids’ wish to become the hero from their favorite comic book? And I wonder if anyone is going to even get that reference? Knowing my luck, they probably stopped reading, like, four paragraphs ago… So let’s continue.

Rocko and the gang desperately want Really Really Big Man’s autograph. Pretty understandable. Dude’s pretty much the closest thing to a celebrity in this universe. Unfortunately, in typical fashion, everything goes horribly askew, and Rocko ends up landing butt first in the pool of concrete they were going to most likely use for RRBM’s footprints.

The next day, everybody from the local paper, to Rocko’s own friends, proceed to give him the business about his butt. And yes sir, it’s a real crackup. Rocko definitely made an ass of himself. No butts about it, Rocko’s never going to see the back end of this humiliation.

Ugh, the butt puns are killing me inside.

However, one particular woman finds out about the incident, and decides to have the assprint in the concrete brought to her. Frankly, I’m amazed no one took the time to moosh that assprint out of existence. You could make the argument it was some of that quick dry stuff, but still, it’s not like you have to jackhammer anything. Just pour a couple ounces of concrete in, and presto!

“Well, yeah, but then there wouldn’t be a plot!” you probably say.

To which I say… Okay, fair enough.

Once this woman, whom I realize never gives her name at any point that I’m aware of, sets up an event for all the men of Otown to try their luck. It’s like Cinderella, except for butts instead of feet. After a few contestants try their luck and fail miserably, Rocko gets dragged on stage, and of course, finds out it fits. Thus he becomes the new spokesman for “Wedgi Boy” brand underwear.

I got to say, that’s not a brand name with a lot of appeal. I, for one, try to find underwear that DOESN’T try to give me a wedgy.

Also, no idea why this popped into my head just now, but do people still give each other wedgies anymore? I mean we’re a lot less tolerant of bullying as a whole, but I distinctly remember wedgies being a popular bully move in my day. Knowing how things are now, they probably just post an AI video of you coming out of the closet… But I digress.

What ensues is a montage of hind-quarter hijinks. Rocko getting photographed in his underwear, Rocko being forced to bend over for the cameras at a fashion show, Rocko’s butt being plastered on just about every bus and billboard… He even gets his own version of one of those obnoxious Calvin Cline commercials. Yeah, just in case everybody using a landline, an answering machine, and square televisions didn’t date this show already, let’s throw a reference to THAT old relic.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, though. As Rocko’s journey to fame progresses, he finds himself with no social life. And all the people who DO want him want him for one thing: dat ass. He finds himself being chased by Groupies, paparazzi, and… A sentient chair? Or maybe that was some sort of animal? I’m not entirely sure what that was supposed to be. Other than fucking random, anyway, but it was probably the funniest thing in this entire episode.

How does Rocko find his way out? Simple. Heffer ends up taking the skimpy little banana hammock Rocko was supposed to model, and proceeds to present the entirety of Otown with the second fattest ass in entertainment. For the record, this is the first.

Yeah, someone probably saw that one coming. The rest of you, meanwhile, practically got rear ended by it. Ugh, make it stop!

And that’s “Seat to Power” in a nutshell. And yeah, I can easily imagine this had a lot to do with the millennial generation’s obsession with butts. If not this, then Sir Mixalot, definitely.

Honestly, it’s an okay episode of Rocko’s Modern Life. Frankly, Closet Clown, the episode it got paired with, is a much better episode… But we’ll talk about that one another time. If I get enough interest.