How About That Thing?

Revolutionary Girl Utena is an anime that I found VERY fascinating when I first started getting into the medium. If I had found it NOWADAYS, I probably wouldn’t have given it the time of day, but back in those high school years, I was willing to give just about ANYTHING that came from Japan a shot.

Nowadays, I’m well aware that Utena was a shoujo series. Shoujo anime basically being anime that was intended to be exclusive to girls. True, shows like Sailor Moon ended up being popular with boys over here in the states as well as girls… But based on a lot of what I remember from back then, BOYS ended up liking that show for pretty much ALL the wrong reasons. But yeah, in terms of subgenre, shoujo is intended exclusively for girls, and shounin is intended exclusively for boys. And I’m not even going to ATTEMPT to open the massive can of worms that is the modern discussion surrounding the concept of gender, so let’s just move on.

I ended up picking up Revolutionary Girl Utena when I did for the same reason I picked up a lot of things: because I thought it had an interesting premise. And… Well… Let’s face it: teenage boys… Well… How do I put this?

I believe it was Robin Williams who once said: “God gave man two brains, and only enough blood to operate one at a time.” Teenage boys, for lack of a better analogy, haven’t quite mastered the subtle art of not thinking with their dick.

Teenage girls seea show like Revolutionary Girl Utena, and see a brilliant commentary on gender rolls, power dynamics, and the like. Teenage BOYS see a show like Revolutionary Girl Utena, and ignore the plot entirely in hopes of seeing two girls make out. Because lesbianism captivates the teenage boy mind. Even here in 2026, in this day and age where everyone’ super enlightened, and gender is a four-letter word, I bet you the majority of people watching lesbian porn are straight men. Just saying.

I can’t even say that I myself am innocent of this. To be fair, I was ALSO drawn in by the promise of sword fights, but… Yeah, I was kind of hoping to see the hot anime girls kiss each other just as much, if not more, than anything else the franchise had to offer.

The times do change, however. With age comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes… Well, all sorts of things, really: shame, nostalgia, a desire to revisit after multiple decades and see what it was I ever saw in this show… The list goes on. And that’s ultimately what drew me back to this topic twenty-some years later.

Unfortunately, Revolutionary Girl Utena was a lot easier to find back in high school than it is now. Probably because I got into it around the anime boom of the 2000s. Back then, it was hard NOT finding anime. It was so popular, Americans were starting to rip it off in hopes it’d get more eye balls on the screen.

Fast forward to 2026, where anime is kind of returned to being a nich following, and the anime that’s popular right now is that fantasy world RPG crap. Isokai, I think they call it. Not to mention a lot of mainstream anime has been monopolized by the likes of Funamation and Crunchyroll, where as back then, there were a lot more players in the game, and results tended to vary. As a result of all of this, it’s been made significantly harder to track this show down. The fact it’s well over thirty years old now, and the people who licensed and/or dubbed it don’t seem to exist anymore, and I begin to think I may have to start investing in DVDs again.

I never did find the TV series… But I did relocate the movie. Someone apparently uploaded it to YouTube, and while the legality of said YouTube video is probably up for debate, it’s good enough for a quick watch while I write down some notes, crank out some quips, and grab a handful of screenshots.

Also, I remember the movie being a LOT weirder than the TV series. And that’s probably saying a lot, considering what we’re talking about.

Oh, and one last thing: we’re focusing on the English dub. Yeah yeah, I know. I’m one of those sinful, wicked beings who has the audacity to prefer something be in my native tongue than be forced to hit pause every two or three seconds to read subtitles. True, modern screen reader software TRIES to remedy this, and now has the ability to read subtitles to you. It doesn’t ALWAYS work, but it’s been working more often than not over on Netflix, and even on YouTube. The only downside to this method, though, is that every bit of dialogue sounds like the screen reader voice, and if you’re watching something extremely dialogue heavy like The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, for example, then it’s going to be just as much of an ordeal, if not more so. Still, I appreciate the thought. But to make life easier, and because it can get a bit hilarious from time to time, we’re sticking with the English dub.

So let’s get into it, shall we?

After a rather absurd amount of company logos and opening credits, we’re immediately introduced to…

This is Wakaba. As memory serves, she was a lot more prominent in the TV series. Here, she’s basically the equivalent of the mentor character guiding you through the tutorial for a game you already know how to play, but can’t skip. And once you’re done, she’s gone forever, never to be seen again.

This is Utena: the star of our program. She’s shown up to this prestigious academy for reasons that aren’t apparent right away. Wakaba, like a good tutorial character, gives her the grand tour, and introduces her to several people, including…

This is Juri. Don’t worry, she becomes important later on. All you need to know now is she’s the best fencer at the entire academy.

Utena then gets distracted when she sees a familiar face. Specifically…

This is Touga. He was more or less the primary antagonist in the TV series. Here, however… Not so much.

Also, Touga is voiced by Crispin motherfucking Freeman. Furthermore, Freeman is probably the one good actor in this entire dub. I mean yeah, Rachel Lillis as Utena is fine, but there’s a lot of other voice acting in this dub that reminds me of how far voice acting has come since the 90s.

The two of them meet somewhere underground, and have a conversation that can easily be summarized as:

“You followed me here.”

“Nuh-uh, I just decided to come here on my own.”

“Nope, I’m pretty sure you followed me here.”

“I didn’t follow nothing, bruh!”

I mean it’s a lot more elegant than that… But yeah.

Utena then meets…

This is Anthi. And it’s right about here when things start to pick up.

The two have a quick conversation… And before it can get TOO deep, we’re introduced to this guy.

This is Saionji. To put it bluntly, Saionji is a prick. He’s the kind of guy who treats his girlfriend like property, and slaps her around when she doesn’t comply. Or at least, that’s how he was portrayed in the TV show. You really only have so much time to work with in a movie, so he basically just shows up, and gives you enough to assure you that he’s a prick while expositting things like how the duel system in this universe works.

Also, I was fairly fairly certain Chuck Huber was doing this voice at first, but a quick Wikipedia check assures me it’s actually Jack Taylor. Could’ve fooled me. Regardless, this dude really chews the scenery.

Saionji explains that the ring around Utena’s finger is “the mark of the duelist”. Which basically means she has an opportunity to become “the rose prince”.

Before the duel begins proper, the “rose bride”, who happens to be Anthi in this case, pins a rose to the shirt of each combatant, and the object is to cut the rose off of the opponent’s shirt with your sword. Also, as memory serves, you TECHNICALLY aren’t allowed to kill your opponent outright. As Anthi preps Utena for the duel, she realizes that Utena doesn’t have a sword. When asked what she plans on doing about it…

Yip, she plans on fighting a dude wielding a sword with a stick. And not a particularly sturdy stick, either, as it breaks in due course of the battle. Also, Saionji reveals the truth about Utena. That, gasp, SHE’S A GIRL!

Utena wins the duel after Anthi uses… Uh… Some sort of magic, to summon a sword, and Utena uses it to cut Saionji’s rose off. Which honestly seems like cheating to me, but I guess it’s good enough for whatever entity oversees these duels, because it’s never challenged by anybody.

Which reminds me: who is overseeing all of this? Saionji makes a point to let Utena, and by extension, the audience watching at home, know that when the church bells start ringing, it means the duel has started. Okay, but who’s ringing the bells? How do they know when the duel starts? and how do they know when the duel ends, for that matter? It’s never really explained in the movie. All we know is the bells signify the duel has started, and neither combatant is allowed to forfeit once the duel starts.

In any case, Utena gets the prize. What’s that prize, you ask? Why, Anthi, of course. When you become the rose prince, you gain possession of the rose bride, who will satisfy your every want, your every wish, and every desire. And suddenly, I get this distinct feeling that this show would not fly in 2026, based on the fact Anthi is an anime girl of color, and everybody else in these games are white people. I mean I didn’t think of it till the rewatch, but then again, I don’t usually look for reasons to be pissed off and offended by every single fucking thing.

Oh, and as a result of Utena winning, this happens.

This is Shiori. I don’t think it’s TOO much of a spoiler to point out that she’s the bad guy.

While Shiori schemes in the background, forming alliances with Juri and Miki, Utena and Anthi are slowly but surely starting to bond. It doesn’t go well at first, but Utena and Anthi eventually begin to get along quite well. Including a rather iconic scene of the two waltzing in the rose garden, and another sequence where the two draw nudes of each other during art class.

And no, I’m not posting screenshots of that. Not for copyright reasons, but because Utena and Anthi are basically high school students, and I’m going to guess they aren’t seniors, if you know what I mean. Suffice to say, the moment I saw Utena disrobe, that little soundbite of “I’M GOING TO JAIL!” played in my head immediately, and I skipped ahead.

Utena has a duel with Juri that’s pretty intense. Utena wins by slicing off Juri’s locket, which is revealed to have a photograph of Shiori inside. Apparently, this is ANOTHER iconic moment from the franchise… And it probably would’ve meant more if they weren’t trying to condense three seasons of television into one single movie, and had time to build up the relationship between the two. But that could just be me.

And speaking of condensing three seasons of TV into one movie, that’s it. Utena has won the contest. I kind of thought for sure she’d have to have sword fights with at least one or two other characters, but nope.

Also, just as Juri is defeated, we hear from E-ko and F-ko: the people in charge of school announcements. A scandalous video tape has been unearthed, and they play it on their morning show. And…

So, yeah, I’m officially confused. I know the thing going Chuchu was Anthi’s pet in the TV series, but the humanoid cow? I have no idea what’s going on here. It’s been ages since I saw the TV show, and this doesn’t ring any bells.

Furthermore, this segment is, hands down, the biggest waste of time this movie has to offer. You could cut this segment from the movie entirely, and it would effect literally nothing! Hell, you probably could’ve fit one more sword fight in with the time left over! Maybe not an exceptionally LONG sword fight, but it’d make more sense than this.

After an “Oops, wrong tape” moment, they play the REAL tape for everybody.

This is Akio. His OFFICIAL title, as far as the school is concerned, is the headmaster. In reality, though, he was the former rose prince. The tape shows him go mad after he can’t find the key to his car. Anthi tries to calm him down, and… It’s kind of implied something icky is going on between them. Or at least Anthi is willing to let something icky happen between them. I don’t know for sure, and I’m probably just as happy not finding out.

In the process, Akio gets thrown out the window, and falls to his death. Thus, the role of rose prince has been vacated, and the duels to determine the new rose prince began.

Meanwhile, Utena has one last conversation with Touga. They’ve been talking throughout the movie, and there’s been some hints here and there. However, it isn’t until now when it’s all spelled out. Touga is the one who gave Utena her ring. Some time later in their lives, Touga would then try to save a drowning girl’s life, only for his efforts to fail, and result in him drowning along with her. Which explains most of those bubble transitions between scenes. After this conversation, and the ensuing flashback, Utena makes peace with Touga’s death, and Touga himself disappears one last time.

And then, this appears.

Anthi explains that this is “The Castle of Eternity”. Once it’s revealed itself, the reigning defending champion of the duels is officially crowned the rose prince, and they live up there with the rose bride for eternity. Or until the rose bride chucks you out the window. Whichever comes first.

For some reason, Utena doesn’t like this idea, and instead wants to escape this world forever. Using her newfound power over life, the universe, and everything, she… Transforms herself into a car.

Yeah, I’m going to level with you, dear reader: this is pretty much where I tapped out. For all my snark, all my commentary, and what not, things were actually not terrible. The plot definitely felt like it was being squished in order to fit into it’s allotted time, and they may’ve taken a creative liberty here and there, but I was actually not hating this movie as much as I thought I was going to.

And then, Utena turned into a car. And Anthi drove off into the void. Not going to lie, back when AMVs were all the rage, I thought about making the next sequence of events into an AMV for “Jesus Built My Hot Rod” by Ministry… Until I realized I had Digimax Master: a video editor that made Windows Movie Maker look like Adobie Premiere.

Anthi drives down the road into the black void, she gets into a car chase with a sentient Shiori car, Akio offers her and Utena the chance to stay in this world as “living corpses”, Utena and Anthi defeat the bad guys in a flash of light, Utena and Anthi then appear butt-ass naked in front of a pink screen and spell out the moral of the story as though the viewers are fucking stupid, they kiss for a really long time and I hear the “I’M GOING TO JAIL!” soundbite in my head again in the process… And that’s it.

Wow. Just… Wow. I haven’t seen a movie go this far south since The Perfection. Seriously, that last act just killed this movie dead for me.

I understand what they were going for. I’m not a COMPLETE idiot, after all. I understand the symbolism, and the callback to Akio’s rant about cars without keys just going to rust… But just because I get it doesn’t mean I thought it was brilliant. Maybe it wouldn’t have been as artistic… Or, dare I say, Revolutionary? If the final battle was one final sword fight. Perhaps pitting Utena against Akio, or Shiori, or even Anthi. I don’t know how you’d make that last one work, but it’d make more sense than Utena turns into a car.

So yeah, that was the Revolutionary Girl Utena movie. Do yourself a favor, and stick with the TV series. I don’t remember EVERYTHING from the series, but I remember it being more coherent, and I remember the ending not being quite as ridiculous. Although I may have to watch it again to be absolutely certain of that.