How About That Thing?

There was a point in Nickelodeon history where a lot of programming time was occupied by older cartoons from the 1960s. Whether it be classics like Alvin and the Chipmunks, obscure cartoons like Jeremy McBoingboing, or cartoons visually impaired people like me probably ought to have taken offense to like Mr. Magoo, there were entire blocks dedicated to dusting off these relics of someone else’s nostalgia, and presenting them to / inflicting them upon the 90s kids.

A lot of the time, they were part of Nickelodeon’s hot new puppet show, Weinerville. I may do an article on Weinerville as a whole one day, but for now, all you need to know is the host was the unfortunately named Mark Weiner, and in between segments featuring him and/or his puppets, there were the previously mentioned cartoons.

And one cartoon that saw a generous amount of airplay, whether it be on Weinerville, or just in random blocks of programming that needed filling, was Batfink.

Batfink was a superhero. He had wings made of stainless steal, and a “supersonic sonar radar” that could locate anything he wanted. And said supersonic sonar radar was literally just him spitting out the word “BEEP!”. Not going to lie, that still gets a bit of a chuckle out of me even today.

The guy on the right is Karate: Batfink’s faithful sidekick, driver, and monumental fuckup. In no way shape or form is he a negative Asian stereotype voiced by a white guy doing a Japanese accent, hashtag-sarcasm.

Okay, to be fair, in later episodes of the show, they ditched the accent, but still…

Yip, this was a cartoon that existed at one point. Apparently, it was supposed to be a parody of The Green Hornet… But I never saw The Green Hornet to begin with. And I refuse to watch the movie that came out in 2010 on the grounds Seth Rogan was involved. Seth Rogan is not funny, and you will never convince me otherwise.

Child-me liked Batfink a lot… And yet, upon retrospect, I ask, why?

I may not have been an expert in animation back then. Hell, even NOW, I wouldn’t say I’m the most knowledgeable person on Earth when it comes to this medium. However, even child-me could tell this show was shot on a budget. Between recycled footage, animation that made South Park look like Disney Afternoon, and voice acting that stops just a bit shy of being Superfriends esque (and no, that’s not a complement), this was the dictionary definition of cheese. I don’t know, maybe boomer children had lower standards than us filthy millennials. Or maybe this was why so many boomers and Gen-Xers remember playing outdoors so fondly. You could either go outside until the street lights came on, or stay indoors and watch this cheaply made bullshit.

This cartoon was also the dictionary definition of formulaic. Literally every episode I ever saw followed the same formula ver batem:

• The criminal is introduced.
• The chief of police contacts Batfink to find the criminal.
• Batfink and Karate drive around in their “Bat-a-lak” car.
• Batfink unleashes his supersonic sonar radar to find the criminal.
• Batfink and the criminal of the day have a standoff, and at some point, Batfink reminds the criminal that his wings are like a shield of steel.
• The criminal somehow traps Batfink.
• The narrator wonders aloud how Batfink is going to get out of this one.
• Batfink gets out of this one and brings the criminal to justice.
• Lather, rinse, repeat for ninety-nine more shorts.

Now I know you could make an argument for just about everything on TV being formulaic in one way shape or form. Hell, even Batman: The Animated Series, a series I’ve championed on here as a game changer in cartoons and in how the world saw Batman, probably wasn’t without its formula. However, in a good show, you don’t really notice the formula so much.

So in conclusion, Batfink was repetitive, cheaply made, and at that point, it was basically used as a placeholder for Nickelodeon while they figured out what to do with the space it was occupying. And, for reasons I can’t explain, I loved this show.

The only reason I can think of for enjoying this show as much as I did was that I was pretty easy to entertain as a kid. Hell, you’re probably looking at the one kid in the entire continental USA who actually LIKED Saban’s Masked Rider, after all. I really wish I could say I was joking, too, but I digress.

The only other thing I can think of is that after watching some episodes on YouTube recently, I can say with certainty that this thing right here is a spectacle. It’s bad, but it’s the kind of bad that has to be seen to be believed. Like Roger Corman movies, or Cleveland Browns football. It’s the kind of thing I could see my generation say they liked ironically. Whatever the hell that means.

I wish I had more to say about this weird little corner of my nostalgia, but what’s there is there. I guess this proves that I have bad taste both as a child, and as an adult.