How About That Thing?

So, show of hands, who here remembers The Hub?

The Hub, AKA: that network that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic played on, was a TV network that began in 2011, and ended around 2014, as memory serves. I admit, outside of reruns of Batman: The Animated Series, I didn’t really watch a whole lot of programming on The Hub. I was made aware of the infamous, previously mentioned MLP cartoon: a show designed for five-year-old girls whose fandom consisted mostly of thirty-five-year-old men. I’d seen commercials for SheZow, but while the premise was… Interesting, I could never bring myself to actually watch it.

And then, there was today’s subject: Dan Vs. Yeah, I didn’t watch that one, either. At least, not when The Hub was still active. In fact, it wasn’t until a couple of video essays and deep dives on YouTube I’d found about the show a few months ago when I finally decided to check it out. And after watching several episodes across several nights before bed, I’m genuinely amazed I slept on this show as long as I did.

The show centers primarily around three characters.

This is the titular Dan. He’s an asshole. There’s really no other way to put it. Also, the “jerk” T-shirt is a nice touch. You know, just in case you can’t figure out within mere moments the man is a human septic tank.

The events of every episode stem from him getting pissed off about something to the point of declaring war on it. The only thing more absurd, though, is the fact he actually ends up being

absolutely right sometimes!

This is Chris. He’s the poor unfortunate soul who finds himself as Dan’s only friend and confidant. Most of the time, he’s trying to talk Dan out of his absurd notions. Except for when he’s right. In which case, he’s trying to convince him his plan is never going to work.

Also, because he’s the fat guy, he’s been known to eat things. Ranging from pies that are obvious bate for traps, to enough bacon to make Joey Chestnut reevaluate his life choices, to his wife’s shoes. Which sounds pretty insane… Until you actually SEE his

wife.

This is Elise. She’s Chris’s wife, and depending on the circumstances, she’s either the OTHER voice of reason who tries to talk Dan out of whatever bad idea he has this week, or she’s totally onboard with it and even offers to help. It’s not very subtly implied that she works for a shadow organization within the government with its own agenda.

And after taking one look at her, I suddenly find myself wanting to eat her shoes too. YOUZA! I mean I don’t usually find myself attracted to cartoon characters… Anymore. But something about the way Elise is drawn. I don’t know if it’s the facial features, the fact she’s a redhead, the fact she has serious ass-kicker energy about her without a shred of feminist Twitter misandry about her… I won’t be surprised if it exists, but If there’s art of her in a leotard, I’m going to be needing a cigarette. And YOU’RE going to be needing a towel. Just saying.

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While I’ve been enjoying this show, I must admit, a little of Dan Vs. goes a long way. Due in large part to the fact that a little of Dan HIMSELF goes a pretty long way. And in large part… Well… It’s because Dan reminds me too much of myself at that age.

Much like Dan, twenty-something me was a misanthropic jerk who hated everybody around him, lived like a slob, and held grudges over the most mundane crap. Granted, I didn’t have access to dynamite or high caliber weaponry, but still, I was an asshole. And if you spent two years in second hand retail, you would totally get it. But I digress.

So, knowing how much Dan reminds me of myself from a different era, you’d think I’d hate this show. But as it turns out, I actually enjoy it quite a bit! In small doses.

Some of the things Dan declares war on are things I ALSO really don’t like. IE, modern art, gentle parenting, and the dentist, just to name a few. While I’m still going through the entire catelogue at the time of this writing, I could easily find myself declaring this my new favorite show. Which makes me feel a little bummed out about not finding it sooner. Oh well, better late than never, I guess.

The Hub is long since dead and buried. And I’m sure someone who remembers it more fondly than me will do a more proper, more heartfelt write up on it. For now, all I can say is Dan Vs. is looking like the best thing that aired on that network. Next to the Batman reruns, of course.